My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
