i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
