You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
