I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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