I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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