That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
