Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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