I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
