I bet he comes in French.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
