I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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