JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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