I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
