At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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