thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
