just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
