escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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