I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We don't watch enough power rangers
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
