Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize