"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
