The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
