Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
