sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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