Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize