So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
