A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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