My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
