tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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