i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A bitchslap is in order.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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