dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
