the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
