We won't sleep together?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Randomize
