I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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