Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
