Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
