just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
