you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
