Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
