I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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