I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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