How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
