I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize