sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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