Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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