is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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