Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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