you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
