thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
