I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
