just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
