nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize