Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
