I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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