The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
