I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
