I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the day after is always just damage control
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize