I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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