i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
