it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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