when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
