Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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