We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
