remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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