Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
