I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
