Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
