My friends, they love my intelligence
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
