Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Im part way to drunk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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