i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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