Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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