Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
