Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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