I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
