The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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