I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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