areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
