So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize