she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
