Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she told me i tasted like america
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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