I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
