Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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