he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
