i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
