Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
