So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this just has baby written all over it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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