You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
