Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
