No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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