Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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