i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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