Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
