The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
