the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
