she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
