1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
