hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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