toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
