Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
