im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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