1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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