If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize