Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
