I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
