I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
