I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
