Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
