You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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