Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
