My Higher Power is John Stamos
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
