No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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